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Lindsybitch
I have a lot of anger inside me, how can I change, is it caused by past life experience or genetic?
I usually get out of my anger to someone close to me, like my husband, little things can make me mad, yell at him a lot, but I am very nice to friends and everyone else, I know I have a lot of anger inside me, and know I am wrong, but I can't control it, I hate myself been that way and feel sorry for my husband. I have experienced a lot in my childhood and in my life in general, is that the reason I am very easy get mad or something else? is it genetic? To see a doctor and search for professional help would be my last step, any other solution? Thanks for your time and help.
                     




tshnobodysfool
I've dealt with this too. Try reading Emotional Intelligence by Dan Goleman. It gets at the basis for why we react the way you describe and steps for changing it and getting control over it. Things have built up over a period of time and you are carrying a certain level of emotion. You have to get away and decompress for a period of time to get used to feeling normal. Identifying the feelings before your emotions are hijacked by your nervous system is the key. So is practice - use every day situations as practice to not react to things that bother you. I practiced when driving. I spent years in so called anger counseling with professionals and it did not help anywhere near as much as reading that book and practicing getting control over it - every day. No one is "making" you mad. You have learned to react that way. It is a destructive short term gratification with long term negative consequences. No matter what the cause is you can learn to control it and be much happier in general. Feel free to email me if you would like more help or feedback - whenever.
***
I would be very suspicious of answers that get in to "try to get in touch with your feelings and find out why you are so angry" It's BS! This is the typical psychoanalytic garbage you get from dumb*** with PHD's that do no one any good. They just take your money. I know why for me and it did NO GOOD to control it. I had very bad examples growing up and still do all around me today. Disassociate from negative toxic people if possible.
Goleman gets in to why our brain is wired to hijack our cognitive abilities, shortcircuit our frontal cortex, and kill the SOB that's pissing us off. But this is not an appropriate behavior in our society and the long term consequences are not worth it including the self destructive aspects.


kittykittykitty
although this is certainly a question best answered by a professional...i had a friend in a very similar situation and she found relief through her gyno who perscribed birth control pills to regulate her hormones. if your hormones are out of wack it can get so bad you think you are going crazy! i wish you the best of luck!


enlightenment
Rating
A good way to begin is to use the technique "STOP THINK" it is a good cognitive/behavioral tool. If you can make yourself say (in your head) STOP THINK, and follow through, it will buy you necessary time to say, act, behave, respond to external stimuli (little things that make you mad) in the way you want to, not the way the angry you responds. No one wants to be angry or react with rage, it happens because there is an impulse to do so, usually without linking the thought to the behavior. You are great, why not react as you want people to see you as truely than like the little monster who acts for you before you have time to process the situation?

good luck, and remember STOP THINK


wizardheart6
i have the same situation i think it's a result of lost confidence in ur self try to play sport and count to 3 before get out ur anger solve ur problems don't delay standing against 'em unless u'll be always worried about 'em and ready to fight.if all that don't work look for adoctor it's not a big problem don't care.


fiesya_11
I have a lot of friends who have the same problem as yours but seriously I say you are lucky you already married and have a life by your own compare to my friend who is still a high school student and stuck with their family.
There is no doubt that it is because of your past experience. Past experience makes us wants to release it by doing the same thing that had happen to us. Everyone intended to do that but that's why we always hear people saying 'learn from experience so that you can be a better person'. Mistakes have been made to be corrected so please don't release your anger in such way.
One thing, it does not help at all. It is actually making you worsen. It is good to release your anger but try to release it in a good and acceptable way. Try to talk to someone you feel comfortable to talk with when you're depressed or even if you need someone to talk with call them. It can make you feel you're needed and it can reduce the anger feeling. If you're to shy to talk, try to write down what you feel. Sometimes when im angry I draw something in a piece of paper and when suddenly I get too emotional I will accidentally tear the paper off. It actually makes me feel better or if you're alone in your house try to talk very loud.
Try to express what you feel. If you want to shout then just shout. If you feel like crying just let it out. Do something that really can express you feeling. This sometimes also cause by genetics.
If your parents is a hardheaded person then chances for you to follow their trail is higher.
To seek a doctor is actually good but why don't you try to change first. Please change before its too late because your attitude can just hurt anyone and if it very hurting they might hate you and it surely is a big prooblem if it is your loved one and try not to scold your husband already. I think maybe its time for you to do something for your husband for all the scolding he get all this while. Remember to do something romantic. He deserves it.
Try to do what i said just now and try to be a person who can forgive and forget. Maybe it can change your life towards the better. Please email me or something on your progresses. Im really waiting good news from you and if you still need help please email me because i really want to know whether it can help you. If you need more help please do not hesitate to ask.


starlicious
I have tried things such as birth control pills and vitamin B complexes as suggested but they do not help. I find that you HAVE to make a concious effort to stay calm. Its hard when youre already mad but its all you really can do short of seeing a doctor. Or you could try to join an anger managment group. You dont have to be full of rage to get help from them.


firedup
why is seeing a dr. your last resort?Often help with anger mngmnt. is what you need. Step outside yourself during thee episodes and look through somebody elses eyes. Do you love youre husband?If you dont want him to leave you 9and he will soon 0,than you have to find a way to deal with these outbursts. Obviously you cant do it on your own or you would have already. You may also look into the possibilities of you having an extreme vitamin deficiency. That is causing an emotional imbalance.


me
Rating
A lot of people have anger issues buried deep inside, here are some suggestions:

Escaping the Anger Prison
Do the smallest things set you off? If you're experiencing uncontrollable rage, then in order to stop long term, you've got to get to the root of your anger.


Identify the emotion your anger covers.
Anger is nothing more than a cover for hurt, frustration or fear — or all three. Try talking about what you're really feeling without using the word "anger." Instead, try saying, "I am hurt/frustrated/afraid of ..."


Identify the true source.
What is the real source of your anger? Who is the real culprit? Chances are, it's not the people or situations you are lashing out at.


Identify the unfulfilled need.
If you are experiencing uncontrollable rage, you have unfulfilled needs that should be addressed. Maybe you need to forgive yourself for the way you've behaved while angry. Perhaps you need to forgive others for their actions. Whatever the case, you need to know what your needs are before you can fill them.


Identify the constructive alternative action.
Instead of raging against people, figure out what you can do that is constructive. If you need to resolve an issue with a person you are really angry with, the constructive alternative behavior would be to resolve it. If you need to forgive yourself or someone else, the constructive action would be to forgive.


Take specific action.
Once you have identified your constructive alternative action, it's important that you take that specific action, as uncomfortable as it may be, and move on. Claim your right to resolve the source of your anger and reclaim your life.


High on Life!!!
Rating
You need to tell your husband what you just wrote. That way he will know what to expect and why. I always warn my husband when I'm on PMS so he can get ready. He will appreciate that. Also try to forget the past. It is great that you realize your problem.


wolfribbon
I used to be that way. It is pent up anger at things & people that you feel have wronged you somehow. Figure out what you are most mad at & have your husband do some role playing with you. If it is a situation you are most mad at, write it down on a piece of paper or whatever & get the anger out. When my husabnd & I first got together, I had just come from an abusive relationsip & had a lot of built up anger. My husband played the role of my ex & I yelled & screamed & cried & got it all out. You can't carry baggage like that into a relationsip. It will destroy it. Get that anger under control. Hit a pillow or something. Buy a punching bag. Anything to release your anger on something other than your husband or whoever. You will feel so much better. I promise.


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