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Do I send my kids to there father or keep them?
I posted recently about my kids going to a dirty house on the weekend. He won't clean or hire a maid which I found for cheap!

He already said, "Look don't tell me how to run my house, If you don't want to send the kids because its too dirty, keep them"

So now my choice is..
Send the kids to a dirty house, rugs never vaccumed with dirty and dog hair everywhere, shower black with dirt, dust everywhere, fridge will never be clean sticky stufff everywhere, He sweeps once in a while and occationally mops. Not to make it shine just to part the dirty, if you know what i mean.

But the will be with there father and get to know him and have a relationship.

2nd Choice Keep them, and they won't see there father and might complain when there older, he might give me trouble like child support payment and/or if an emergency, he won't help.
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kids ages 6, 5, 4, and 1 years old

You do have to be careful about court orders. But if there is a court order for him to see them fight to change it. No child should be in a place like that, especially the one year ols who will put everything he/she finds in their mouth. You could try to have him spend time with them in a public place, or even have him over to your house to see his kids, depending on the relationship the two of you have. Your first priority is to keep your kids safe and healthy!!!

Lotus Phoenix
Wow. I really can't answer. Do you have a lawyer or a child advocacy centre or someplace that may be able to better answer this.

Keeping kids from their dad is wrong, maybe you could get the court to mandate he keeps his home to a certain standard when the kids are there or he can only have day visits OUTSIDE his home.

Good luck.

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your parents ehh? Let the children get to know their Dad. Its their born rightt. As they grow up, they appriciate you and understand you better. You don't want to be the bad mother and get blamed for their great dad later. Play your cards smart. And it seems like you are smart. If its bother you that much send a maid to his place. You'll get the money from him some how.

you married the pig to begin with...so....
Send them over. It wouldn't be right to alienate them from their father, and I'm sure it's part of the custody AGREEMENT.

Wow, weren't you busy for a few years in a row, huh?

Its important for the kids to know their dad and vice versa.
If hes is a loving dad and the house isn't really that bad...
It really does sounds like you're just havin' a whinge.
And women do see more dirt than us blokes anyway.

Ask the 6 and 5 year old what they have to say?

- A father who keeps his house "fairly" clean, and loves his kids to bits

karen wonderful
Have him come over and pick up the kids and take them to the park or out to eat. That way the children will get to see him and not be exposed to his filthy house.

Ultimately, it's your decision and yours only.

Granted, a lot of men are slobs, and if that's his only fault, it's nothing major.Now, if you see roaches, mice or other critters running about, keep them home.But a little, (or, not so little) dirt wont harm them. Just wash them up good when they come back.

Don't let them go over. He can't give you trouble with the child support....he has to pay.

He is endangering the welfare of your children. ANy judge in his right mind would see that, and prohibit any visits to your house.

do only what you feel is right..... dont send your kids to an unsanitary place! thats my oppinion! and i guess speak to either a lawyer and explain ur situation so he later wont choose not to pay childsupport and as per your kids not having a father.... if he isnt man enough to clean his home just to see his kids then why will u send your kids to someone who doesnt even care about them.... good luck

Happy Mama
that's tough. i personally don't know what i would do. to some it may sound like not a big deal but i understand your concerns about that house and its conditions. i can say for a fact my 1 year old would NEVER go there, the oldest kids i propably would try to explain how to be extra careful. but if he says "then keep them" it really shows how much he cares about spending time with his kids. so do u really want them to get to know their dad? what an example can he set for them? what can he teach? i mean any positive things? what is best for them?

If I were you, I would keep them. The kids doesn't need a father as you describe.

Deb S
Kids don't care if a house is clean or dirty.

Try not to let little things cause further division and argument with their father.

Live and let live. :o)

Only your womens intuition and heart could tell you that. What does yours say?

just let em visit so they will get to know there dad alittle more and they don have to live with him

♥ Krista ♥
Hmmm... maybe you could meet him in the middle. You could offer to pay a portion of the housekeeper for him, that way its not as much of a financial strain on him.

Tell him it s a matter of safety for the kids, and that if he cant keep the house clean, you will take him to court for full custody.

Oh and I liked the idea about doing it yourself. I certainly dontt hink you should keep the kids from him, in any event. Its not fair to the kids. And you ad your ex need o stop fighting and talking trash to or about each other. That is SO destructive to your children.

Good Luck.

I would continue to let them go, but offer to clean up a bit for him myself. I doubt any harm will came to your children fom the dirty house, but the baby will spend time on the floors. I would concentrate on those things, and try to continue to foster their relationship with their father. No court would see this as a valid reason to remove a child from a parent. If there were feces and garbage, that would be different. It would be a sad world if parents were deemed unfit because they weren't as good of housekeepers as someone else. Who would judge how clean a house has to be? Good luck.

What does the visitation order say? That's the most important determinant. You could be in violation if it says they go and you don't let them. Anyway, since when did dirt hurt a kid??

In situations like this you always want to do the best by your kids. It can be a real tough decision though. Hope this helps some.

Offer to let him see them, but for visits outside his home for now untill he cleans it up. Children do not understand things such as not getting to go becuase... They just want to spend time with their parents. Give him an opportunity to see them without putting them in that situation. If he still refuses, see your lawyer if there is a legal way to go about it. Remember that if he has custody he is entitled to it unless otherwise cited by the court. I would hate to see "keeping the kids" from him backfire on you some how.

I say keep them sweets. Your kids health is much more important than a nasty father who won't clean house for his own kids relationship. This is disgusting. He'll never win custody of the kids, by the way, because he's nasty. Make sure you bring this up in court! In regards to child support, check out the law(s) in the state that you live in, he might have to pay.
P.S. Give him an ultimatum, either he cleans house, or you can have him see his kids at the park- or something of this rather.
Good luck.

I would recommend contacting your local Department of Family Services and voice your concerns to them. Ask them if they can do a home inspection to see if it is fit to have children in the home. If it is not, they will let him know that he can not have them over until the place is fit and if he wants to see his kids, it will have to be somewhere else.

It would not be against you if you keep them away, cause he already told you to go ahead, so there is nothing to feel guilty about. Don't worry about child support, cause that have nothing to do with visitations.

If he has court ordered visitation, you cannot keep them from him without repercussions to yourself.

An alternative is to appeal to the courts and request supervised visits in someone else's home.

This way the relationship won't be ruined and maybe he will "clean" up his act because of the inconvenience, and you will still be comfortable with them seeing him.

Well, i've had a similar situation, but I was the kid.I lived with my mom and on the weekends me and my sister would stay with my dad. He kept the place absolutly FILTHY, it was disgusting! What I would suggest would be to recommend them seeing him in a different environmet. Maybe they don't sleep over with him, but on saturdays or sundays they spend the day together, out of the house doing something. I wouldn't reccomned not letting them see him at all, because they most likely will resent you when they're older for not letting them try to make a relationship with their father, no matter how much they dislike him when they're older. And when they are older and understand more, let them make the choice them selves. Good luck, you should like a WONDERFUL mom, worrying about her kids, they must love you alot!! I hope everything works out for you and your kids!!!

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