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cookie
Why is it that people can be so hostile to those who suffer from a mental health condition?
I have suffered from depression for the last 6 years, and as a result lost out from life. My own friends and even some family members have deserted me. It is so unfair, as i feel really rejected and isolated. I don't get invitations anymore and as a result have become socially inactive.
First it is very difficult for a person without the condition to understand it. dealing with a person who as depression can be very wearing and difficult. I know my wife has the problem.
There is also the factor that, quite unreasonable I know, they might get the same condition. There are of course people attached to the hospital who you can see and talk to. Various groups etc. Personally I have not found them a lot of help but that may just be in my particular area. It might be an idea if when you are feeling okay to try and explain to your family and friends what it is like having the condition. If they understand it better they can deal with it better. I know my sympathy is not a lot of help but you have it anyway. Good luck
helen g
It is hard not to come across as grumpy if you are depressed. Maybe some of them just think you are cross with them? Maybe you have turned their invitations down a few times and they have stopped asking?
Anyway, my message to you is to screw the lot of them, get yourself better by getting refered to, or paying for, some good cognitive therapy. And do some research into the best drugs. Some doctors don't know much, so be ready to do some work yourself. There is some advice in "The feeling good handbook" by a chap called Dr Burns.
Then, once you start to feel better, be proactive. Invite folk round for dinner, organise pub trips. They will return the favour and your social circle will widen naturally.
If it turns out they don't return the favour, they are faulty. Find knew friends. Get involved in clubs and groups that do stuff you find interesting and meet knew people that way.
Always focus on the positive. Appreciate those that haven't f***ed off. And those that have aren't worth thinking about. They aren't your sort anyhow.
heatwave
hey, it must b very hard 4 u. but u have 2 do sumthing. jus sitting n moaning wont help. thers nothing wrong with u, so y feel rejected? maybe ur 2 gud 4 them. they dont deserve u. im sure ur a wonderful person. so stop feeling rejected. think of urself not as alone. but independant. friends r not made, they happen. dont try to fit in. accept urselfn b happy 4 what u r. maybe proffessionals can help but ,ultimately its up 2 u. good luck!(wow, i didnt mean 2 sound so preachy)
tiggerkitty3
maybe they got tired of asking you to go and being told no. you need to get out and do things, most mental health centers have support groups, i think you might want to join one.
petulabadula
because they dont understand, but actually people that have mental illnessess are more switched on than people without. i think that people that have a mental illness have a mindseye which is always switched on assessing the situation and evaluating everything. so in a way they are a hel of alot smarter about people and lifethan the so called "sane"
bluerosebud1976
may times people do not understand what a person is going through when they have a mental condition. They either try and cannot, or just do not even want to try. I am sorry you are going through this. Depression can leave us feeling that way when there are a ton of people around, much less when others that we care about leave us. Unless you have had a disagreement with them in some way, they are in the wrong, not you. but you do need to get some help. I understand your situation, someone in my family assumed that I was avoiding them because I wasn't coming over every weekend. I am pregnant, going to school, and work full time. This depression stuff just tops it and I have tried to explain to her, but she is not understanding. Maybe the people in your life are not able to look at things from a different point of view like some of them are. Try and get some help. Or at least someone to talk to. Get some of the stress out. maybe it will help. Good luck.
just_dawn_here
People look down there noses on things they don't understand. Mental illness is just that meaning it can not been seen from the outside such as a broken arm could be.
They need to see it before they will react.
After suffering a 10yrs history of depression myself i have seen it 1st hand. It is totally wrong.
Jamestheflame
Please accept my sympathy for your condition; I have been there.
Most of the posters (even the rather rude ones) have something useful to say. Here's my take:
A lot of people still view mental illness as a character flaw. That is ignorance, and that's their fault. Or, they don't know how to deal with someone that is mentally ill--we have no problem asking someone how their hurt knee is, but we don't ask about their psychoses.
However, some of the friends' withdrawal may be your fault as well. When you suffer from depression or mental illness, it can be very difficult (knowingly or not) to avoid taking it out on others, particularly friends and loved ones. You may not even notice that you are not fun at parties, rude on the telephone, etc. This, as you may have noticed, is one of the aspects that lets depression feed on itself.
Are you serious about dealing with your depression? You don't indicate any treatment, etc. If you really want to get better, try positive lifestyle changes, if that doesn't work, try counseling, and if that doesn't work see your physician. Medical and counseling professionals know a lot about depression, and in most cases treatment is straightforward.
Good luck.
EW
It's because depression and other disorders are still misunderstood...even in our "enlightened age." Those who keep going even with mental problems are probably the worst abusers of others who can't cope.
Michael
Instilled in most of us are certain taboos, such that we don't make fun of people who are suffering especially from mental health issues, As such, alot and most family member might like to kid and joke around with each other when they get together and I fear you may have been left out, because of factors effecting the other members social conscience. Also, just a small reminder that you're most possiblely a patient of a certain doctor, this certain doctor may not wish for other people or even other doctors to treat you with out thier permission, as your family members strive in accordance, possibly not to harm thier own careers or ambitions. Your friends do want the best for you. Mental Issues scare some people, they like you, but not you and your condition, yet the most important ideal is that some how you become anything but depressed, Try throwing a party and getting some of those invitations out there yourself!!
gmonte33
Many people are afraid of or don't understand mental illness. But I think what you may be alluding to is alienation. Many people with serious depression, anxiety disorders, mania or other persistent mental disorders tend to push those closest away. It's completely unintentional and the person doesn't realize they're doing it. That combined with the people close to the person not understanding will cause this kind of alienation. For instance, people with persistent major depression usually will not want to talk to people or engage in social activities. People close to them usually do not realize that this is a symptom of the depression and will take it personally. I hope this makes sense and helps you.
dave p
fear i think not sure how your going to react, have you seen your GP recently ask for or change any medication ,perhaps counselling would help try not to feel isolated there is help for you out there ,
tattooedgray
Lack of understanding. I myself am happy go lucky, my best friend and partner suffer from depression. I don't claim to know how it feels to be depressed, and only have limited understanding although I live with a sufferer.
I still sometimes think to myself in regards to my partner and friend - 'cheer up, it can't be that bad'!
On the surface many people who suffer from depression have no real reason to feel so down. My boyfriend for example runs his own business, earns a good wage, we own our own home, have no real stresses in life, but still he suffers.
He cannot fully explain to me why he gets so down, and I therefore fail to understand his woes!
There will always be resistance, through people not understanding.
Peoples lack of understanding affects many peoples lives, not just people with depression.
Friend's that you have lost through your depression I think, were not real friends to start with, and as far as the few family members that you have lost, were you really that close in the first place, and, do you actually care?
pinxta01
People get scared of things they dont understand.
manthintall
Fear of the unknown.
Kalishnikov
People are afraid of what they don't understand. THe only thing I can suggest which might seem a bit uncaring is forget them and go out and get yourself a new set of friends. Not ALL people are frightened of the unknown ;-)
Turtle
A lot of people don't understand what they don't know. I tried to mention that I had OCD to my Aunt who told me that I couldn't go through my life depending on a pill to get me through each day. Since she stated that I do not talk to her about my anxiety or depression anymore. She is one of those people who think that mental illness is a state of mind and not a disease. The people who act like this are just uneducated when it comes to mental health. Try not to let it get to you. There are others who do indeed understand.
merlinmx5
Often, people become stressed out with things they don't understand. While 6 years is a long time to suffer through depression, it is not unheard of. Since you are going through such a phase in your life, I would suggest counseling to see what options are open for you now. As far as becoming socially inactive, you must realize that it is your responsibility and not others to make yourself active. Even something as simple as walking around the block can help you come back into a social circle. Gathering around those with the same interest need not be stressful either. At times when you even feel at your lowest, you can volunteer at one of many places such as homeless shelters or even an animal shelter. By connecting the dots one at a time you won't feel so secluded anymore. And by doing it a little at a time you will see a start in progress. Don't be afraid to fall back into "the pattern" you are in now. Progress takes time, and life takes work. And as far as the "hostile" people go, don't sweat the small stuff. There are so many people in the world, your life can soon be full of them when you take the first steps.
Kym
I know exactly how you feel, as the same thing has happened to me just recently. Honestly these people are not your true friends if they are treating you this way.
If you would like someone to talk to you can contact me on yahoo messenger at kybo2261. We can share our thoughts and opinions.
Hope to hear from you.
womam12
oh you poor thing! i think it is ignorance on the socilety's part. try a social club and get out and meet people, i will be your friend. i know all about depression as my sister suffered from it for years and i never deserted her
david.mcauliffe123@btinternet.com
because they are ignorant. they think only of themselfs
?
I don't think anyone can understand the horrors of depression unless they have experienced it. I have suffered from depression all of my life, but I can honestly say that I have never been treated badly because of it. Perhaps you could find some new friends, preferably people who know what depression is.
amp
That old cliche: laugh & the world laughs with you, cry & you cry alone...People aren't very sympathetic. & people who don't suffer from depression can't relate, don't understand what it's like. It's easier for them to hide from it.
You either have to fake it (paste on a smile to the degree that you can) to fit in with the crowd or get accustomed to solitude. Writing can be a great relief. & find other people who can relate to you. There are a lot of them out there! There's another expression: misery loves company. Other people know just how you feel. You're not alone...
Lianne E
Basically it is because they afraid. Education on mental health is scarce and it is rarely touched up on in the media or elsewhere unless in a negative light. Most people have little or no understanding of mental health problems and therefore they are scare of them. I really feel for you as you seem to have really suffered due to peoples ignorance. I'm sure though that if these people had more information and education on your difficulties they may find it easier to stand by you, as I'm sure they would have if you had a physical illness. Education and information about mental health as well as it being portrayed in a realistic light needs to be a priority in today's society as so many people face mental health problems.
Diane
Because they have no idea how horrible depression is. Hang on in there - it will get better you will start to see light at the end of the tunnel. You will be soooooooooooo much better than your friends when you do feel better because you will have the all important tolerance. Chin up and keep on going. I am speaking from experience.
5th Earl of Daveshire
Life is unfair.
Sounds like your self pity puts them off. They are getting on with their lives and it is unreasonable to ask to them to base them around you and your needs.
If you are depressed, then would you really want to go to a party, for instance, if they invited you?
And please, get off here and get out in the world. the internet is no place to solve problems.
angel
It is human nature to outcast anyone who doesn't fit standard human profile. Very unfortunate.
L6
one word - ignorance
Jon Boy
I too suffer with depression, and have done for many years. For a lot of them I didn't realise what was the matter with me, and as I have learned more about it I have understood that the causes can be related to other medical conditions, your body chemistry, trauma and other events or environmental.
Another factor in the way others treat you (or avoid you) is that; with mental illness they/you don't know what caused it, when it happened, what the treatment is and how long it is going take to recover!
This leaves people in the dark, they can be so unsure of what to say or how to behave with you that it becomes easier to avoid you. Actually they also may have some baggage that is affecting them, and causing some mental health problems, but they may be afraid to discuss it with you.
Some people with mental illness are, or appear paranoid and have 'psychosis'. Psychotic episodes especially can really alienate those who love you. You can appear to be unnecessarily blaming others for things and/or think that everyone is out to get you!
You have to be aware of these factors and consider the way you behave in company so that you do not alienate them or just bore them. The other answers suggesting this is ignorance I believe are correct, but that is not really their fault. As I have said they can be confused and possibly scared of what to say or how to behave with you. For your own peace of mind try to find a way of being with them, joining in and enjoying the discussions and humour.
You say you don't get invitations anymore: You will have to be proactive in seeing and getting in touch with people, maybe even apologising for upsetting them in the past if indeed you have. But always keep explanations and apologies to a bare minimum.
Finally though you will need to have people to talk to about it, maybe there is a yahoo group? But find someone.
Personally I do not take medicine for depression, but doing things makes me feel better. Even to the point that before starting this message I felt a bit down and now I feel a little up!
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