My parents think that i am a useless unliable person and my mom even point to me directly that it would be better 4 them if i die.I want to prove them that i am a capable person to live in this world....
I was having counselling with a really good person who helped me a lot when I relocated and had to find a new one. The new one uses the same counselling system (human givens) but now says she can not ...
I had so many questions about becoming an actor. . . . and i took everyones negativity so I settled for community college and am majoring in business. But everytime i watch a movie or listen to a ...
Whatt can you do if you feel angry, bitter and full of rage because youve missed out in life on the delights?
you see others around you enjoying, other peoples happiness.
when you feel as though youve been denied alll of that, what you see others have, friendships, relashionships, girlfriends, fullfillment, getting their needs met...my life has been devoid of all that, a great absence of that.
im 29 now, have suffered a life time of trauma since 15, i have bpd and get bad depressions, ive never been employed or ive never had a girlfriend or been in a relashionship..
now im aging prematurly, physically, and i feel bitter angry and resentfull that ive never had the happiness that i see others indulge in around me..
i wait for therapy, but i fear because of how i feel and my terrible low self esteem, ill end up alone, bitter, lonely and angry, then ill probally end up doing myself in.....and who will care? no ones gonna save me, people will just let me wither away...underneath all this pain i have ambition, ambition to move away from the uk and build a new life, but i worry ill never do it. Additional Details can anyone see i can overcome this?
Im going down tht road right not and im only 16, you just need to relax and not worry, that will just make your anxieties worse. Go out and have fun, meet people, maybe even go for therapy
Therapy and medication can help turn it around for you. You're absolutely right, nobody will save you. Only you can be the one to make it happen. You can't expect to wait around for someone to make you happy when you won't even do that for yourself. People are happy because they've made up their mind to be that way, it doesn't fall into their lap. You won't make friends to enrich your life, you won't meet a companion, you won't fulfill your dreams sitting around unemployed, feeling sorry for yourself, and hiding behind fear and self-loathing. Do you expect all the opportunities in life to line up outside and knock on your door?
xx Gemma xx
I can give you a tip on what i do....... i go on a fighting game and take it out on that. try it it works for me.
you need to repeat the rest of your life and be a kid agian
im 40 now and have only just started to live, l havent found a partner yet, the same as you l feel ill never find one but other parts of my life are better and im happy, the same as you l suffered trauma all my life from an early age, my best advice to you is, forgiveness, if you dont you cant move on and move forward, l know its hard to do this but it is the only way.
l hope you find what your looking for and find happiness x.
the 'lil lady
The most important thing is that you see the problem and want change. My 33 year old brother has quite a similar life to what you discribed, however he wont seek help. everyone around him wants to help, but we cant even get him to the doctor for anti-depressants. Years go by , and things get worse, now hes showing paranoia and he seems to have suurendered to marajuana to escape his life. he reakons he doesnt need help.
You have already taken the first step towards the life that you aspire to. Dont give up. throw yourself in the deep end. take some chances. join a club of some discription. volenteer yourself to something that you think is worthwhile to you. perhaps with disabled children, it could help you realise how precious life is. being resentful and bitter will only feed more negativity into your life.
A psychologist could help you put all these feeling into perspective so thatthings dont seem quite so overwhelming.
Use your fear of ending up alone, bitter and angry to drive yourself to pull yourself up and grab life.
you say this started when you were 15. obviously there was some kind of significant event that started all this. you sound like you feel in you head like a 15 year old, scared, vulnerable, waiting for someone else to come and pull you out and rescue you. Theres only one person who cant do this, you.
Power to you.
Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you're having a rough time. The first thing I would have you think about is the language you use. You sad, "I've never done...." this or that. When you said that it sounds as if you are inferring that your life is over and it's too late. One thing you can start doing is change your "I've never" to..."Up to this point I haven't" or "I hope to someday..." This small change in vocabulary can give you hope.
One other thing with your vocabulary. You seem to catastrophize your words- meaning using the worst possible words. You said, "My life has been devoid of all that." Now, do you truly believe that your life has been totally devoid of happiness? Think about the degree of words you use. Write down a list of negative words and create a scale from not so bad to catastrophic. Then, try to place your situation in there somewhere. Think of catastrophic as living in Africa, getting your legs chopped off, your parents die, you are poor and starving, and then a tornado comes. Now, if your life is similar to that, I might challenge how clearly you are defining your life.
Also- begin a journal of your successes. Often we have an idea about ourself and then we find any way to support that idea. So, if you have any success, write it down. If you talk to a person and they smile at you, write it down as a success. Then build on your successes. Give yourself small goals and upon completion write it down and also reward yourself. Then challenge yourself to change your perception of yourself. You seem to see yourself as a person with no friends who no one likes and no one cares about. First I might challenge this- is this 100% true- that there is no one. (watch your use of language) Second, I would try to challenge these ideas. Work towards making a casual friend, and then say about yourself, "I am a man who is able to make friends."
Good Luck and thanks for sharing.
I will let you in on a little secret that a wise old man once told me:
YouÂ´re thoughts have more of an effect on your life than you realize.
It seems to me you are utterly convinced you are going to have a crap life. Nonsense. Utter rubbish. You lived a life of trauma up until now. This will change now that you want it to. Now, as you look into the future, In your mind, I want you to put up a great big image of yourself smiling, with a girlfriend, and music playing and people laughing. Pay attention to how young you look, and how good you feel that this is now the future you are capable of having. Now step into the movie, turn the black and white into colour, and as you look back to the present, which is now, you realized all you needed to do was smile at people and notice how easily they smile back, realize all the qualities and strengths you have developed in your eventful life, and believe anything is possible, which it is, if you believe it, which you do, now.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself.. and this really IS the truth, because with fear comes this worry you speak of and with worry brings anxiety and with anxiety brings fear... you see it is a circle and then this circle keeps wrapping itself around you and gets so tight that it brings pain which will suppress the ambition that you have to move forward and on with your life.
When your in pain you tend to not be able to see clearly. Think about it, when you stub your toe all you can think about at that moment is your toe and that pain and how much it hurts. And then when someone around you comes over to you and starts talking about how happy they are and has about 3 friends that tag along with them and they are all partying, while you are in this miserable pain with your stubbed toe, it is not expected that you are to enjoy their happiness. Now then, with your toe in agony, wouldn't you then take care of this toe and the pain and excuse yourself from the presence of these people and their happiness for the moment in order to tend to this pain?? Of course you would!! Especially if you ripped the toenail off and it was bleeding.
Now relate that stubbed toe to your life now. The toe being your life. Your in pain. You need NOT be focusing on those around you now but just on your pain and your life and taking care of that pain-... not their happiness, not what they are enjoying, and definitely not the friends they have.
Last i will tell you this:
Forget about yesterday. Think about today. Don't worry about tomorrow.
Go do something about your ambition!! Start looking at where you want to live, how much it will cost, whats there...
focus on the here and now and don't live in the past. Do simple stuff. There must be something that brings you a bit of happiness? Its amazing what might happen and it could be just around the corner...
You said it best-no one will save you. Only you can do that. It will be extremely hard, but with all the crap that life throws at us, it is still worth getting up and out there every day. One of my closest friends will be 30 this August, and he has been suffering from PTS for 4 years now. He rarely has any contact with anyone, except his mother, me, and a few friends. But still, he strives to heal himself. I'd look for support groups for people with BPD. Do you take medication and/or see a therapist? Keep looking and you'll find someone that understands what you're going through. Since I'm not religious, I won't pray for you, but I'll think of you and hope you will do better soon. Take care.
first of all i would like you to say forget the past because time cant come back.the things you have in hand are needed to be improved and u should take the best from your qualities,the oppurtunities you have in your hand.i think u should write on a piece of paper your positive points and work on them.leave others think about yourself and your time will come soon.best of luck.
I understand how you feel, as I too feel that way sometimes, less often now than in the past.
You have to find a way even just a little way, a smidgeon(sp) of a way to accept that we have problems, the more we dwell on the the bigger they get and the more out of control we feel (at least from my experience)I am not sayiny that you have to like it or understand it or realistlcally accept it as I said abov. Find any tiny, tiny way to help you to deal with things.
I know you are on a waiting list for a therapist and I have been praying that will be soon for you, but the best I can offer you is to hang in, try not to look at your issues as a whole, break them down individually and then take one and break that down to the smallest piece that you can. Then from there you wont be dealing with a universe of issues all at once. No you will deal with just a fraction of one at a time.
I know, easier said than done. But this is just something that has worked for me and is still working for me.
Be safe and be well my friend,
Hang on, help is on its way,
I'll be there as fast as I can,
"Hang on", a tiny voice did say,
From somewhere deep inside the inner man.
If you are worried about missing all of this stuff in your life why are you still wasting your time worring about the past nothing that you can fix. you have this time right now so get out of bed and go do these things that you want so badly. Yes I understand that you are depressed but you can do these things and still suffer from depression.
go join a club or something
go out DO something
forget past, that has gone.
What will you do TODAY. NOW.
1. Journal. Write down how you feel, and what you can do about it. Its the best way to look at your life rationally and figure things out. It'll take some tension away too. Try talking to someone also, or even write a letter but don't send it. Just try to get rid of built up anger and bitterness and try to heal. It will take time.
2. Stress Relief: Get involved in something. Excercise is a great way to get rid of stress and anger. Get a treadmill, work out at the gym, go running, play pickup basketball, tennis, whatever, get a punching bag, train for a race. You may meet people that you can depend on, who knows, getting out there and getting fit may help you meet friends and even a girlfriend. And you'll have goals for yourself and work out a lot of tension and bitterness. I can't stay mad long when I'm exhausted after a 7 mile run. its great.
3.Find something you're good at for your self esteem. whatever it is--a project a work, a hobby, charity work, building something. Plan a project to take your mind off yourself. I also have low self esteem but when i'm focused on something else, I completely forget about me.
4. Plan for the future. If you have a goal for a new life, at least take baby steps to plan for it. You want to move? Start looking for houses and jobs elsewhere and think about where you would like to go, do. You might find the perfect job and house and be motivated to just do it.
Just Me Alone
First of all, don't be afraid of going to a therapist. It will make a huge difference in your life once you find the one that you get on with the best. You might benefit from medication and a therapist can help with that but research some natural options first. Then, stop feeling like a victim and take charge of your life. Figure out what you want and don't listen to what other people are telling you is right for you. You're old enough to make decisions for yourself. Once you know what you want to do, figure out what you need to do to make that happen. Work it out step by step and get started. The past is over and now is all that matters. Feeling sorry for yourself and worrying about what others have that you don't have is not doing anyone any good. Action breeds results. Sitting and pitying yourself brings nothing. You will always have to fight your disorder but you don't have to suffer and you can be successful. Move through the pain and start living. Best of luck.
Hey, what a start you have made, pouring ALL THAT LOT OUT !!! good on ya, I cannot help you professionally,
but I certainly admire you for your honesty and I wish
you all the very best !! I sincerely hope you get the guidance
you need !!! good luck
you have to want to improve first, you also have to realise life owes you nothing, so if your life is to change then its through your own actions, stop looking at the negative and try to look for the positive, go out, put your self in situations where those that you envy are, and try. if you dont try you will never get
You say that you have ambitions then it sounds to me that you will care if you don't make it. If you are angry about missing out why don't you stop staying locked up in your apartment and go out and participate. Everything is ackward at first, but will get easier if you start trying. What is it going to take to get you to go out and do what you want? What is keeping you back? Premature aging? you mean like grey hair a lot of people your age get that it's not like it matters. If a girl was only interested in your hair at all what possiable kind of successful relationship could it be, someone a little more deep would be preferable.
If you are upset about the loss of your time, wouldn't it make sence to NOT continue. I know what it's like to be afraid to go outside but it won't get better until you do. You know what this feels like, do you like it? If the aswer is no then don't keep doing it. If you don't try how will you know what it is or if you like it? If you are kind to people they will always like you. I once know a man who was actually a midget who was bald and not very good looking. This is a true story. One day he brought over a very hot girl she was tall well built and long blond hair. They were seeing each other for a while and we had to ask why was she with him, she said he treated her very well. This happens all the time I could tell you more stories just like that girls want to be loved, treated well, not be cheated on, or hurt looks arn't that important.
Dumb idea if you want a girl come to the USA so many girls will just want to hear you talk just about all women want a man from your country. I'm not saying thats a good reason to be with someone, but I think you would benefit from the attention and experience.