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I keep telling my wife to quit smoking and although she tries she doesn't seem to be able to quit?
It makes me mad when my wife smokes, I have caught her smoking in the house around my 12 year old daugther. Is smoking that addictive? I can't understand why someone would do something so nasty. Somedays I want to throw my hands up and just get divorced. Any advice on how to help my wife, she says she wants to quit, but hasn't done so in 22 years. Only short periods of time like 4 months here 4 months there. thanks
Additional Details
FYI the only time I nag is when she smokes in front of our daughter or in the house. I don't nag her any more, because it causes more pressure on her. But it's hard to watch someone slowly killing themselves with cigarettes everyday. Lifes to short to throw away on smoking. When she quits, it's like having a new wife, no smoke on her clothes, clean breath, house smells better, and I know she is extending her life. It's a catch 22, if I nag her she gets mad, if I don't say something she keeps smoking and smokes in the house behind my back. There's no possible way I can understand this habit.

My father has been smoking for 40 some years since he was 16 and is now in his late 50's. He told my mom if she would quit, he would too but, he never did. Its been like 30 years since he said that and our whole family is trying to get him to quit. He always says hes working on it and never even tries. I bought him a book on it and even showed him all the crap thats in them and he was disgusted but it didnt change his mindset. He "enjoys" them is his excuse and I think thats pathetic. He has spent so much money on them over the past 40 sum years its insane and so not worth it. Its just really sad how addictive they are and how someone cant stop themselves from doing it. How can a piece of paper filled with leaves control your life??? I mean besides the nicotine you should be able to stop it if you really want, your mind has to be really set on something if you cant stop.

kay j
Your gonna have to bribe her with something very worth while. That's how I was able to quit.

Yes, as other posters have noted, smoking is THAT addictive. I quit in 1990. I'm glad I did - I'm sure if I hadn't I'd be dead by now. And I don't crave cigs anymore. But if someone told me a comet was about to hit my city, and I didn't have time to get away from ground zero, I'd probably ask to borrow a smoke. LOL. Seriously - it's very pleasurable, if you are an addict. I choose not to smoke because I like being in good health. But the biggest reason I refuse to even consider taking another puff is because I never want to go through the hell of quitting again. That's a serious motivator for most successful quitters.

Next time your wife tries to quit, tell her to remember that each time she can knuckle through a hard craving, if she doesn't give in, that's one thing she'll never have to go through again. Remind her that if she has even "just one," she'll have to start over from square one. Remind her if she just doesn't smoke TODAY, tomorrow will be a bit easier. Help her find ways to substitute something else for the cigs she misses most. For me, I used sugar-free Popsicles - it gave me similar things to do physically and the sweet taste seemed to curb the craving. I also used a patch that they prescribe for blood pressure, which helped me relax during that tough first two weeks (basically, I kind of slept through the worst of the withdrawals). These days they have a lot more options to help. Sites like the one posted below can help her understand the process, find ways to deal with cravings, and gain support from others in the same boat.

Give her lots of positive feedback. She's doing one of the hardest things a person can do.

It takes about two weeks to get past the physical cravings. The psychological cravings can last a lot longer. I remember about six months out I realized I'd gone through a kind of depression, as if I'd lost a lifelong friend. Remind your wife that if she gets through that first two weeks, the physical addiction is over. But if she ever smokes again, she'll have to suffer all the effects of quitting again. It's an addiction, just like alcoholism, that is progressive. If you start again, it starts up right where you left off - and the next time it's that much harder to break away. So once you quit, there can be no more "just this one."

And while you have every right to insist that she not smoke in the house or in front of your child, otherwise, there's no point in pushing it until she's ready to quit. She will never be able to quit until she's ready to do it for herself.

Smoking cigarettes is highly addictive like heroin and it is very hard to quit for some people. She only can quit smoking, if she really wants to. She needs to set a quitting date and need your support. The effects of quitting smoking are not very pleasant for a little while. Tell her, that you love her very much and you don't want to stand by and watch her killing herself and your daughter as well. She is putting the whole family in danger by smoking around you. Ask her nicely to not smoke in the house or around you guys, because she is putting not only hers but also her family's health in danger. There are many support groups out there for quitting smoking. She could start by calling 1800NO BUTTS.

it is a very hard habit to quit and only your wife can do it
if she is a good wife and mother in all ways give her a break and try to help her when she does try to quit=good luck

it has been proven that cigs are more addicting than cocaine is to a druggie. it is also proven to be harder for female to quit. and when some one like you nags its even harder.i want to quit also,ive been smoking for 27 yrs. ive tried patches they dont help. maybe when your wife gets to the 4 mo. period go out and do something fun and let her buy something as a reward. tell her often how proud you are of her. ive only cut down to 10 a day. how did she make it to 4 mos. any help my way ? im proud of her going that long. and if you would even bring up a divorce for something like that,then you must not value your marriage or love your wife very much.what if you were addicted to sports or something,maybe drinking and she wanted you to quit,you couldnt.would that be right for her to think like you.

Your Best Fiend
Yes, smoking is very addicting. And, putting pressure on her to quit likely makes the problem worse. Smoking is often used to relax someone. Adding pressure means she needs to relax, but her relaxation tool is what is causing the pressure.

You cannot force your wife to quit smoking. If she is going to do it, then she must want to quit.

Yes it is that addictive! I have known people that have quit 10 or 15 years ago and they still want a cigarette.

It is like two addictions. One is a mental, a habit if you will, and the other is a physical one that wants the nicotine.

I used an anti-depressant to quit. ( I have only been done with it for a year and half, and I still think about a cigarette. ) It doesn't work for everyone though. But she might ask her doc for the prescription. Or try hypnosis. She needs to want to quit, you're telling her to doesn't mean a thing.

Tell her good luck from me.

Smoking around another person is not only selfish, it is threatening their life. Many children have developed cancer as an adult from their parent having smoked around them. I just finished months and months of chemo and a bone marrow transplant. I had so many tubes coming out of my chest I looked like a giant squid. I DID NOT EVER smoke but my father did. He just had prostate cancer.

Call the American Cancer Society and have them send her all the information on the harm of second-hand smoke. Tell them you want every gory detail, including photos. They will send them for free. That is what I did to my daughter when I caught her smoking. It did the trick.

After your wife gets good and scared, send her to the Dr for help to quit. There are patches out there that are working great for people.

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